The Mercy of Scars

I was sitting in church last Sunday, and again, God met me there.
During offering or something a song was sung that made me understand the last four years of my life. The chorus went something like, "heal the wound but leave the scar... it reminds me of how merciful you are." I sat there with tears in my eyes because I realized how true it was. I reached over both knees with my hands, feeling my two prominent scars, and I realized with force how merciful God had been to me when he allowed my ACL to be torn.
When I was seventeen the whole focus of my life was not God; it was nothing but succeeding in soccer and being good in other people's eyes. I didn't know where I fit in, spending the majority of my time with soccer friends who were swaying me to be and think one way, while all the while I had this inner sense that God shouldn't keep getting pushed aside. It was a civil war within my soul, and I waged it the entire time I played soccer.
I thought my life ended when I tore my ACL the first time. For the first time I failed to have the milestone of all my soccer achievements to define me; I had to find out who I actually was despite of any physical talent... God-given talent that was separating me from Him.
God was merciful enough to give me scars to save me from all my false and empty life and aspirations when I was seventeen. I had never thought of it that way before, and it hit me like a Mac Truck when I was sitting in the sanctuary on Sunday.
I used to pray with desparation and anger for God to heal me, to tie the tendons back in place and make the scars disappear. But now I'm thankful that I still have those gouges in my knees because they are drawn on with God's deep pen of mercy. What I didn't realize was that the real wounds were inside; the broken tendons were in my heart. And God took me around the world to heal them and to regain strength. I have scars to show that Jesus loves me. He has scars and I have scars, just to prove the mercy of his Father to me.
I just got home from a soccer game thirty minutes ago. I am astounded that after my long, four year journey of living life not based around being an athlete, I still have soccer talent. It is pure joy to run around on the pitch again, and probably even more so because it's something that has been taken away and given back again.
But this time around I will play for God's glory, not mine. He was the one who healed the insides of both my knee and my heart. He is the one who, in wisdom, healed the wounds but left the scars, just so I would have a reminder of how merciful my God really is.